Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Triathlon Vocabulary for the Erudite Triathlete

dictionary


Every sport has its own set of vocab words. It just so happens, however, that by choosing to be a triathlete, you get the largest ratio of fun vocab words to single sport there is. That’s what happens when your sport is actually three.


So, in the interest of turning yourself into a triathlon pedant, here are a few words to add to your lexicon:


porn (adj.) – totally hot, smokin’, rad. Usually referring to a piece of equipment.

“Man, you got Campy Record shifters on that bike! That’s so porn!”

(Courtesy of Peter Brantley)


chicked (v.) – to be smoked by a woman.

“Dude, I saw you get chicked on the bike. That lady come out of transition five minutes ahead of you!”

“I totally got chicked.”
(Usually followed by a longing look toward the hot, fast woman.)

“Tina just chicked you, man.”


aggro (adj.) –extremely aggressive tactics (Nothing to do with farming—note the two g’s.)

“You were totally aggro going out on that first swim loop so fast!"

“This guy came flying by me in aero totally aggro, then died by T2.”

"If you're not aggro in a sprint from start to finish, you won't win!"


Make flashcards. Write them on your hands. Do whatever you must to memorize these words, then bust ‘em out at your next group event. Your less-scholarly tri-buddies will envy you.


XOXO


Triathlete Diva

Monday, August 25, 2008

Emma Snowsill Rocks

Emma Snowsill


Rockstar Emma Snowsill with her gold.


I had to put a picture up to bump down that creepy Canadian bike hoarder.


Happy Monday!

Friday, August 22, 2008

If Your Bike was Stolen in Toronto...

You just might find it here, in Igor Kenk's arsenal of 2, 396 stolen bikes!


If you ever see this dude:


Igor Kenk


keep riding. Don't park your bike anywhere near him!


Bikes across Canada are breathing a collective sigh of relief after learning about Kenk's arrest in July.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

PMS, the Olympics, and the Triathlete

The Olympics are inspiring. Motivating. Totally awesome. But when a triathlete has PMS, the Olympics can become an emotional roller coaster--and not just because she had heart palpitations the entire time Michael Phelps was swimming the 100 fly.


Michael Phelps


PMS invades the woman's brain, taking over any normal functionality. Men may have witnessed this freakish occurrence at some point or another in their lives. The woman cries for no reason, like when Jason Lezak helped the US win the men's 4 x 100 relay against the boastful, snobby French team.


The usually active, PMSing woman will then sit in front of the TV for hours on end, munching on everything in the house, while believing she is somehow doing something healthful by watching the Olympics.


Usain Bolt


She convinces herself that focusing on Phelps' stroke will make her a better swimmer. Watching Bolt run will make her a faster runner, a skill she needs because she wants to be just like Emma Snowsill. As coachubby put it, the Aussie ran like she was an Ethiopian. The PMSing woman wants to run like an Ethiopian, and somehow believes she will get faster as she takes another bite of chocolate, and adjusts herself on the couch to watch more track finals.


Emma Snowsill


She sacrifices sleep, just to get a glimpse of Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh's gold-medal match, a part of their unprecedented 108-match winning streak, while knowing that in no way is watching volleyball going to make her a better triathlete. Perhaps, she thinks, she'll meet Misty May while walking around Manhattan Beach someday, and will be happy to report she's fully aware of the Olympian's accomplishments.


Misty May Treanor and Kerri Walsh


She watches the women's cycling time trial, convinced that is the event she could compete in at the Olympics--it was only a 14-mile course, after all. Kristin Armstrong is now a new idol of the PMSer. The afflicted woman then starts to imagine darting past Big Ben, the Globe Theatre, and the London Eye on her Kuota.


Kristin Armstrong


When the coachubby wakes her up in the morning to train, however, the PMSer refuses; her mind is frazzled from all of that virtual swimming, running, and cycling. Her body is tired from staying up too late to fit it all in.


Big Ben


And such is the vicious cycle of created by PMS and the Olympics. Good thing they each only last 1 or 2 weeks, respectively!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Ode to a Toenail Lost

Happy feet


You held on


For so long


it is true


But this morning


without warning


breaststroke kicking killed you


Oh brave little toenail


Second on the right


You served without fail


and gave a good fight


Though Ironman turned you blue


You stuck through more training like glue


But today


Death became you


I will not forget you easily


Especially because now my foot looks freaky


I eagerly await your renewal


so I can wear open-toed shoe-als


Know that you died for a noble reason


and do not fear, it's the end of the season


So you'll be loved more and not destroyed


Unless I decide to run a marathon to fill the void!