How To Win A Triathlon

1. Ride 90+ miles with 6,000+ feet of elevation gain the day before.

2. Decide that wasn’t enough and run in the pool for 30 minutes.

3. Run in the pool because you severely injured yourself 3 weeks ago and haven’t been able to run since.

4. Decide you will be so hyped up on endorphins (and Advil) for your goal race that the pain won’t matter.

5. Drink a Red Bull while walking to the swim to counteract the fact that you only got 6 hours of sleep. Laugh off the burpy side effects.

6. Borrow goggles from your local triathlon shop who happens to have a tent at the event because you couldn’t find yours anywhere.

7. Sight well in the swim.

8. Drop fancy Rudy Project glasses out of helmet in transition. Decide you don’t need them anyway. Keep going. Pray the girl next to you doesn’t step on them.

9. Play mind games with a roadie doing the bike leg for a relay team. Decide the burning in your quads is awesome. Push harder.

10. Step on fancy Rudy Project glasses in transition and crack off the arm.

11. Run like hell. There is no pain. The Endorphin/Advil theory is legitimized.

12. Bask in the glory of being the first female finisher…until you find out your coachancé won the whole thing.

13. Bask in mutual glory. Pretend you’re just like Lori Bowden and Peter Reid like 7 years ago at IM Canada…on a much much smaller scale.

14. Pass out.