A Stanford Graduation in Kansas

My grad school graduation was on Sunday, so the men of RAAM's Media 2 van (who kidnapped me from the Media HQ van) held a ceremony for me in Ulysses, Kansas. It might have been as awesome as the real thing...

I'm still blogging for RAAM here. The race ends on Monday!

A Letter to All Homicidal School Bus Drivers (Cycling and Road Rage)

Assuming your homicidal tendencies are spur-of-the-moment, and not premeditated, please read the following in an effort to tame your unpredictable road transgressions in order to keep your job, and to not profoundly screw up the lives of the kindergarteners you seem to think will be in deep shit if they are not at school at exactly 8am.

1. Your school bus is big. Maybe you're pissed because you haven't graduated to driving the superlong bus yet, but it's still big. Too big to pass cyclists on downhill turns with no shoulder without crossing the double yellow lines. Wait your turn.
2. If you do not wait your turn, you will kill someone. Someone cute and blonde who is hell bent on living to 100 years old, exactly, and still has a good 3/4 of her life left to do so.
3. If you kill this girl, who was responsibly wearing a bright colored vest, and even a blinky and reflective tape, your kindergarteners will see it all happen.
4. If your kindergarteners see it happen, they will be traumatized for life. And their loaded parents (you were picking kids up in Palos Verdes, after all) will see to it that you'd have been better off being suicidal rather than homicidal.
   
5. If you don't hit this girl, but come within a hair of doing so and run her off of the road, she will scream obscenities and raise fingers at you in front of all of the kids when she catches up to you at a red light. You will be responsible for explaining why little Timmy is now calling everyone an "asshole" and raising his middle finger while waving his forearm back and forth for emphasis.
6. If the girl does catch up with you at the light, isn't that proof that simply waiting for a big old straight away wouldn't have put you behind schedule, negating the need for your temporary homicidal tenancies, and the conversation you'll be having shortly with Timmy's pissed off teachers?

Driving a school bus must be tough. Kids scream and stuff. But they'll scream more if a bloody body is splattered across your windshield. Promise. Plus, as much as you, the homicidal school bus driver, want to loose your job, do you really want to at this moment? You certainly won't graduate to "personal limo driver of the stars" if your homicide is carried through.
Biznatch.

Thank you.

Attention Triathletes! Want to get Really Pissed Off?

Looking for an excuse to raise your blood pressure, throw everything off of your desk, and yell at the next person you see? Unlike your last boss, you probably need something absolutely infuriating to incite a foot-stamping, voice and finger raising cussfest in your office.

And why would you look for an excuse to become a loathsome tantrum-throwing maniac? Well, some pure emotion is good for the soul sometimes. Pure, angry emotion. In regulated doses. And to wear this anger off, you might just go harder at your next workout.

So without further adoo, I introduce this month's edition of PO'd NOW!

To start, read this LA Times Blog article about the 59-year old doctor who's road rage led to the severe injuries of two cyclists, "

Brentwood doctor pleads not guilty to injuring cyclists

Then, if you're not already blowing the top off of your PO'd-ometer, read the comments.

Then be glad you don't have to ride the streets of LA, where car culture, despite the best efforts of bike advocacy groups, still rules, and people with huge egos and cars compensating for small other things use the road to deal with their personal issues.

Share the Road signs are a great start, but even better would be a sharable road--with bike lanes. Because nobody really likes to share, especially in Brentwood where, to make a fabulously sweeping generalization, entitlement is far above understanding on the motive-o-meter.

Now get out there to ride your anger off! Cyclists use the road for their personal issues, too. Just don't pull a CTT (Christopher Thomas Thompson) and speed ahead of an annoying car only to slam on your brakes in front if it moments later. That won't turn out well for anyone.

Road Rage Leaves Local Cyclists Mangled in Mandeville Canyon

If you live in Southern California, you've probably already heard of this incident that has the active community in a rage.

Apparently 59 year old ER physician, Christopher Thompson, hasn't seen enough action lately, so he decided to get himself a few more patients by slamming on his brakes in front of two cyclists descending Mandeville Canyon at 30 mph as a part of a 4th of July celebratory ride.

Then to make matters worse, he jumped out of his car and continued on a verbal tirade, while cyclist Ron Peterson removed his face from the a-hole's back window.

I think purposefully sending a respectful, CAT1 cyclist through the back window of your status car is in direct opposition to the Hippocratic Oath. Particularly to this part: "I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone."

Being a 58 year-old, my guess is he did, in fact, take this oath while in medical school, since he graduated before the practice was largely abandoned by schools at graduation.

LAPD arrested the man and will be filing the incident as a felony criminal assault. Surely, after trying to kill people, he will not be allowed to practice medicine any longer? RIGHT? And then he'll have to move out of his Mandeville Canyon home, where several uphill time trials are conducted by various cycling groups every week.

He should have to register like a sex offender in some kind of cyclist-offender registry, which would make it impossible for him to live within a 20 mile radius of anywhere frequented by cyclists. A-hole. And to make matters worse, this man was previously involved in an a-hole-cyclist road rage incident. He's a repeat offender! Next time he's allowed to drive, he'll probably kill someone.

By now you non SoCal residents probably want to hop on a plane to mangle this so-called "Doctor". Here's your next best option for retribution: A meeting called by LA Council member, Bill Rosendahl, about improving safety on Mandeville Canyon for cyclists and drivers, and discussing ways to get the word out about sharing the road.

My guess is people like this disturbed Mr. Thompson would only get more enraged by "Share the Road" signs, but it all helps. The actual incident, stresses Rosendahl, will not be discussed at the meeting.

Who: Los Angeles City Councilmember Bill Rosendahl

Los Angeles Police Department

Los Angeles Department of Transportation

Homeowners Association representatives

Bicycle Activists

When: Monday, July 14, 2008 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m.

Where: West Los Angeles Municipal Building - 2nd floor Hearing Room

1645 Corinth Avenue (between Iowa and Santa Monica Blvd.)

Los Angeles, CA 90025

(Automobile Parking available behind the Municipal Building)

(Bicycle Parking at bike racks and allowed in the building lobby)

Here's to hoping the people driving around you actually do drive AROUND you and have enough sanity to not WANT to kill you.

UPDATE: According to this website, Thompson now runs a Woodland Hills medical documentation company called Touch Medix and is no longer a practicing doctor. Hence why he felt it was ok to send people to the ER? Because he wouldn't have to heal them?