Tuesday, February 10, 2009

White Shorts: Just DON'T Do It!

Maybe your team somehow got stuck with a kit that includes white shorts.

Maybe your girlfriend gave them to you, citing that you have a "skinny cyclists bum" and need something to "round it out a bit".

Maybe you like the look created by the streak of road that will inevitably form up your crack--especially if it's been raining.

All ye white shorts wearers: It's time to rethink your cycling fashion.
(<- diaper)

Besides being notoriously un-slimming, white shorts guarantee that after a few hours in the saddle, you will appear to have pooed yourself.

You know that ring-around-the-collar that everyone gets on white exercise shirts? So, too will you get rings around your legs and waist. And it'll be a long ride home in dirty, ringed non-glory before you can wash it out.

Louis Garneau demonstrated that their high-end white shorts for 2009 actually have an ingenious layer of grey sewn in along the crack region to keep white-short-wearing cyclists from exposing that part of their bodies. They even say there is crab shell protein blended into the chamois fabric so it's antibacterial for life.

Even with these short innovations, DON'T GIVE IN!

Why be all clean and antibacterial if you look like you've cycled thorough a dust storm on your way to your group ride? Why not be all clean and antibacterial and look sharp and clean and antibacterial?
(OK ->)

If you must have white, at least find a style that has black around your nether regions, with the white on the sides. Leave a little something to your riding buddies' imaginations.

And if you're doing an Ironman or other long-distance race, don't even think about white! You're going to pee yourself. Everyone knows that. But they don't know when, and they don't have to!

Enough said.
Or else you might as well ride like this!

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