Friday, August 21, 2009

Yoga for Dummies- The 3 Commandments of Yoga

I am getting older.

I can tell because the days when I thought people were crazy for expending any extra energy before workouts and races "warming up" are over.

I had convinced myself while on the high school swim team that every extra 100 yards of race day warm up was sapping me of potential forward thrust in sprint freestyle events.

That belief has been crushed by injury and age. The ominous hambutt injury from last year has left my right hamstring quite tight. Still unmotivated to stretch alone, I decided it was time to try yoga. Thus, over the course of an hour, I loosened up my hammie and discovered some very important truths about the ancient activity.

The Yoga Commandments

1. Thou shalt not wear short shorts or loose t-shirts. Unless you want to lay out your nether parts for all to see, wear something capri-length on bottom and form-fitting on top. That way, you won't offend, or eat your shirt.

2. Thou shalt not eat too much fiber before class. Should you disobey this commandment, downward dog will haunt you forever.

3. If seeking tranquility, or your own personal zen, thou shalt not practice yoga in a free class at 24-hour Fitness, where you will be separated from the meatheads by a paper-thin wall, and subjected to hearing their evenly-spaced grunts and the subsequent slam of heavy weights on the ground while you are in the (somewhat morbidly named) final resting pose meditating on the hour you have just spent with your bum in the air. (See commandment #1.)

Happy trying-to-achieve-your-teenage-flexibility!


  1. Ha!! So true! You should try Bikram Yoga (aka Hot Yoga). Not only does it improve your flexibility, but it's a workout in itself due to the heat (100+deg room). I did it at least once a week a couple of years ago for over a year, and it helped a lot. I stopped when I was trying to save money tho, but have been considering getting back into it, particularly since it may help with my back issues (I've been told to stretch more in general by my massage therapist). Plus as an added bonus it could double as RAO heat training! ;)

  2. I want to try Bikram! My 24 Hour has such terrible ventilation that almost any class in there could be classified as Bikram! :)