Stink at Mountain Biking? Try This!

Have you ever decided you’d give your road bike a break to get down ‘n’ dirty on some sweet single track only to find you’re a real wuss off road? You try to avoid every crack or bump in the trail, believing your tire will somehow wedge itself into it or blow on it while you try to tell yourself your big fat knobbies can take it? So what if your big fat knobbies can take the trail ahead and you can’t? Is there any hope for a cycling junkie who wants to become more well-rounded in the sport and kick ass on and off road?

YES!

And what better way to learn than trial by fire? Grab a buddy (or 4) and sign up for a 24 Hour mountain biking extravaganza! Try a 2 person 8-hour race, part of the 24 hour dirtfest. Or grab some more friends and make it a day! (And night…) Chances are you’ll get to go around at the approximately 10 mile course at least 3 times. And on that 2^nd or 3^rd turn, you’ll already start to feel like a pro! (Note: TriDiva recommends bringing at least one extra friend to keep you company while your mountain biking buddy is tearing up the course.)

What is this craziness TriDiva speaks of? It’s called 24 Hours of Adrenalin, and it truly rocks. (www.24hoursofadrenalin.com) The people are friendly, and the course is just challenging enough to feel that you’ve conqurered something, but it won’t kill you self-professed MTB babies.

Finally, what’s more fun than a race where you get to take a break, camp, and drink while you’re racing! (Crits were never this much fun!)

So hit up a friend to borrow his/her mountain bike and get your adrenalin pumping. Pretty soon, you’ll want to be just like those guys who race the whole 24 hours solo. Been looking for a new goal after Ironman?

Happy Training, Adrenalin Junkies!

Road Etiquette: Old Men and TriDivas

This one is for the ladies. And for the old men who can’t be content to take a position staring at the ladies’ bums...from far far away.

Have you ever been on a ride—one of those most fabulous rides where the weather is perfect, you’ve been going for a few hours and still feel great, and nothing, not even the honking horns or attempts on your life by evil drivers can bring you down—only to pass an old man on an uphill who takes this move as a direct threat to his manhood and subsequently feels he must silently race you to the top?

Ah yes. I will now attempt to define the mysterious behavior that occurs moments after an old man has been passed by a TriDiva. (And by old man, I mean either older than the TriDiva kicking his butt, or any man who still has his head up his own butt and can’t stand being beat by a woman.)

Upon being passed by a TriDiva, who of course will give a friendly “Hello!”, an old man cyclist will do one of three things:

1. 
   
   He will not acknowledge the friendly “hello” and silently pick up the pace, not allowing the TriDiva to complete her pass, subsequently making her stay in a traffic lane as she cannot then pull over in front of him.
   
   


2. 
   
   He will acknowledge the hello with a rude and piggish grunt, allow the TriDiva to pass, then hammer like there’s no tomorrow and try to play leap-frog up the hill with her.
   
   


3. 
   
   He will not acknowledge the “hello”, will draft the TriDiva almost all the way up the hill (not taking advantage of the view as he is blinded by a testosterone rage), then try to make a break for it as if crossing the peak of whatever hill they are going up first means he is some kind of superman.
   
   

So what’s a friendly, beautiful, competitive TriDiva to do to ensure this undeserved competition stays fun and doesn't disrupt her perfect ride? Here are some ideas:

1. 
   
   Kick his ass.
   
   


2. 
   
   Fart and/or snot in his face when he drafts you.
   
   


3. 
   
   Be overly friendly. Mean people can’t stand that.
   
   

Happy riding! And remember, most older cyclists are nice people, but if you find an OldMan Cyclist, feel free to use the suggested actions above or make your own! I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Cross Training Idea: Chasing After a Wave Runner

Need incentive to swim as hard as you can in rough water without being chased by a shark or other large animal? Try this brand new exercise! (Note: fiancé may be substituted with friend/coach/exercise buddy/dog/etc…)

Step 1: Take your fiancé’s family wave runner for a spin with fiancé attached to your back.

Step 2: Drive as far away from shore as possible.

Step 3: Decide to allow your fiancé his chance to drive. It is his, after all.

Step 4: Take your hand out of the kill switch to trade places with fiancé.

Step 5: Fall off of wave runner.

Step 6: Cuss loudly as wave runner takes itself for a joy ride, unburdened by you and your fiancé’s combined mass.

Step 7: Sprint freestyle in a lifejacket across lake with fiancé laughing behind you while you pray you won’t have to swim back to shore sans wave runner or sanity.

Step 8: Praise a higher power for waves that turn the wave runner in a 90 degree angle.

Step 9: Violently remove kill switch from unruly wave runner.

Step 10: Remount wave runner.

Step 11: Repeat as necessary until you feel you’ve had a sufficient workout/ sufficient embarrassment from other seafaring people who have not lost their vessels.

Happy Cross Training!