Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Road Etiquette: Old Men and TriDivas

This one is for the ladies. And for the old men who can’t be content to take a position staring at the ladies’ bums...from far far away.

Have you ever been on a ride—one of those most fabulous rides where the weather is perfect, you’ve been going for a few hours and still feel great, and nothing, not even the honking horns or attempts on your life by evil drivers can bring you down—only to pass an old man on an uphill who takes this move as a direct threat to his manhood and subsequently feels he must silently race you to the top?

Ah yes. I will now attempt to define the mysterious behavior that occurs moments after an old man has been passed by a TriDiva. (And by old man, I mean either older than the TriDiva kicking his butt, or any man who still has his head up his own butt and can’t stand being beat by a woman.)

Upon being passed by a TriDiva, who of course will give a friendly “Hello!”, an old man cyclist will do one of three things:

  1. He will not acknowledge the friendly “hello” and silently pick up the pace, not allowing the TriDiva to complete her pass, subsequently making her stay in a traffic lane as she cannot then pull over in front of him.

  2. He will acknowledge the hello with a rude and piggish grunt, allow the TriDiva to pass, then hammer like there’s no tomorrow and try to play leap-frog up the hill with her.

  3. He will not acknowledge the “hello”, will draft the TriDiva almost all the way up the hill (not taking advantage of the view as he is blinded by a testosterone rage), then try to make a break for it as if crossing the peak of whatever hill they are going up first means he is some kind of superman.

So what’s a friendly, beautiful, competitive TriDiva to do to ensure this undeserved competition stays fun and doesn't disrupt her perfect ride? Here are some ideas:

  1. Kick his ass.

  2. Fart and/or snot in his face when he drafts you.

  3. Be overly friendly. Mean people can’t stand that.

Happy riding! And remember, most older cyclists are nice people, but if you find an OldMan Cyclist, feel free to use the suggested actions above or make your own! I’d love to hear what you come up with!

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