Monday, March 3, 2008

Triathlete Bride vs. Average Bride

Being a triathlete means many things to many different people. To a soon to be bride, it means she's guaranteed, by virtue of her Ironman training, to never have to worry about how she's going to look in her wedding dress. Let us compare the average bride-to-be to the triathlete bride-to-be.

The average bride-to-be will go on a diet to look her best come wedding day.

The triathlete bride-to-be can't stuff her face with enough carbs to keep her weight from dropping.

bubblegum Bride

The average bride-to-be will begin a weight-lifting regimen to get toned arms to complement her strapless gown.

The triathlete bride-to-be will reconsider upping the amount of weight she's lifting each week in order to avoid looking like a female Ahhhnold in her strapless gown.

The average bride-to-be might choose a gown that hugs her body all the way down to her knees to play up her newly toned curves.

The triathlete bride-to-be will praise her tailor for somehow inserting enough padding into her dress to make it appear like she has cleavage. She will also not wear a bun-hugging dress, as the several centuries she has ridden in the months leading up to her wedding have left her without a bum, and she would like to be able to dance without restriction.

Embarassed Bride

The average bride-to-be will always wonder exactly how the food and cake tasted at her wedding.

The triathlete bride-to-be will have her new husband remind her that there are guests at her wedding who would like to eat to, so she should leave something for them.

The average bride-to-be will work hard to get a tan before her wedding, whether she lays out by the pool, jumps into a tanning bed, or enlists the help of a spray-tanner.

The triathlete bride-to-be will try her best to wear long sleeves for all of her training, even when it gets hot, to avoid strange jersey-induced farmer's tans. She will swim early in the morning before sunrise to avoid the dreaded Speedo tan. And should she end up with either of these ailments, of which she usually is quite proud, from a day-of-wedding work out, she will pray that her town's tanning guru will have a spot for her hours before the ceremony.

And both brides-to-be will probably get all giddy about the Style network's new "I Do Tuesday" evening programming. Even if the triathlete won't admit it.

Style Network

Here's to triatlete brides-to-be, whose weekends of 20-mile runs followed by 100-mile bike rides leave them ready to conquer anything, including their decadent wedding cake!



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