How to Look Like an Airhead on a Long Run

Despite the fact that the long run is typically known as a transcendental personal journey, one that's often completed in contemplative solitude, it is still possible to appear like a ditz if you follow these steps:

• run the same 14 mile loop you've done a million times, only to realize you've never made the final turn back to the car on the first try


• identify neon-yellow clad bike cops ahead on trail


• ask cops for directions to desired trailhead


• follow cops there


• find cops standing in a circle around a dirt inscription that reads "This way, cutie! -->"


• acknowledge cops' firm admission that they did not write the direction


• run right by trailhead anyway, despite neon cops, dirt marking, and trailhead sign


• turn right around when cops call you back as you wonder aloud how you got there so fast


• say "thank you" as the cops tell you "Only 6 more miles to go!" in a tone that suggests they fear you won't make it and they'll be called back later to find your rattlesnake bitten ditsy self somehow lost on a single-track downhill trail--the only trail in that area


• it doesn't hurt to have blonde hair bleached from previous such noon-time excursions

These steps may have been taken from personal experience, that may have occurred while running up the Temescal Canyon Ridge trail to the Backbone Trail and back down to Will Rodgers' State Park where it all started. And this may be the only instance in which somebody's husband's directional savvy actually outdoes her own.

Happy trail running! And may mountain bike cops magically appear should you get lost!