Sneak Peek! How (not) to Buy a Bike on Ebay

TriDiva bought her first tri bike on eBay. But sometimes walking home with the prize is not as simple as placing the winning bid. When having a big hunk of carbon fiber at a great price is your goal, dealing with nasty personalities and guerilla bidding tactics are easy tasks. Read on for this excerpt from her forthcoming novel:

I found a big bike shop in Laguna Beach whose owner has apparently ridden with Lance Armstrong, This shop also advertises that they have Kuota Kaliburs as demo bikes--to use in your next time trial, to test ride, etc... Perfect! I thought. I could probably buy the demo bike at a discounted price! Sweet. So I emailed the owner. Here's how it went down:

Hello.

I was wondering if you would ever consider selling your demo Kuota Kalibur (medium) for a discounted price?

Thank you!

-Me

bikeguy's response: (name has been changed to protect el jerko, even though I don't think he should be protected. But it's also changed to protect me, who idolizes Lance Armstrong along with the rest of the world, and doesn't want to make enemies with his friends...even if he has questionable choice in companions.)

Why would I want to do that?

Now that certainly wasn't the answer I thought I'd get. Aparently, demo bikes don't work like demo skis, where you get a sometimes killer deal on nice stuff because everyone and their mother has tried it out. Who knew? So I wrote back:

I can't tell through email if that was a rhetorical question, so if it was, please disregard my response.

Presumably, as a demo bike, it has been ridden a lot by several different people, so it would be in used condition.

Also, when the new model year of Kuotas come in, you'd want your demo to be of that year so customers would get a feel for the exact bike you're offering for purchase.

I'm sorry if my question was stupid. I've been getting frustrated looking on ebay for used bikes. I heard wonderful things about your store and thought it would be great to find a used bike from a highly-regarded, reputable place.

Thanks again,

Me

That wasn't mean, huh? It was all I could do to refrain from saying : Look, a**hole, you're perpetuating the reputation all cyclists have of being supreme f$#*ers and acting like French people even when you were born in SoCal. I asked an honest question. A smart question. You are a jerk. Au revoir. Lance could kick your arse any day. I spit on you, fart in your general direction, etc... etc...

I got no response to my real, kind and thoughtful response.

** 2 Days Later **

GOD LOVES ME!!!

I got a voice mail last night from the ebay auctioneer saying I could call him and the guy selling the bike is his friend and he'd like to get it shipped out to me this weekend!!! Oh, but wait, it gets even better! Remember when I was so pissed off at the rude email from the bike guy? Check this out. It was in my inbox this morning:

from: bikeguy

to: me

The Kuota just sold on E-Bay for a price that I am embarrassed to claim as income. Sorry, but that was your chance to get it for a ridiculous price.....as new it would have been over $4600 but it sold for just over $2500. I kept an odometer on it since we got it running as a demo bike and it had 980 miles on it. Someone got something for nothing there....

OH MY GOD!!!! Wait until he finds out me and the person who stole his bike out from under him are the same person! Craziness.