Ironman and Avon Spawn a Fragrance Child

In what seems like quite the unlikely partnership, Ironman and Avon have teamed up to bring us Ironman, "a signature men's fragrance collection". What does it smell like? Sweat and pee?

To anyone who has recently been lamenting the massive commercialization of the Ironman brand (and how commercialization has subsequently deflated the meaning of completing the event...and driven up entry fees to beyond ridiculous prices, like at an amusement park), the launch of an official Ironman stench is like a slap in the face.

To any man hoping to establish a sense of self through the Ironman brand, but who is on the fence about getting inked, the scent may be a godsend; he'll be able to emit "Ironman" more subtly now.

According to Bill Potts, Ironman's VP of Marketing and Business, "The Avon Ironman Collection will provide products for the Ironman in every man." Perhaps this is the fragrance Ironman wannabes will buy on their road to becoming actual Ironmen.

According to Drom fragrance house, the developers of the Ironman fragrance collection, the fragrance

is a victorious fusion of energizing citrus and exotic

spices spiked with rich woods. Top notes of ginger, sparkling lime and

violet mingle with mid notes of nutmeg, rain mist accord and vetiver, and

are grounded in a base of patchouli, cedarwood, wiliwood accord and tree

moss. The star of the collection, the Ironman fragrance, comes in a sleek

yet rugged bottle with an organic feel. The top is designed to look like a

bike grip, one of the disciplines seen in Ironman, evoking the athleticism

that inspires the fragrance. The powerful black-on-black carton features

icons of each of the triathlon sports, with a footprint representing

running, waves representing swimming, and tire tread representing cycling.

The bottle looks like a pock-marked scarab beetle to me.

In conclusion, if you're looking for a new way to emit an eau d'Ironman, because you've already bored friends, family, and coworkers with tales of your Ironman adventures, and showed everyone your M-Dot tattoo, look no further than the Ironman Signature Fragrance Collection. According to the manufacturers, it doesn't smell like sweat and pee after all.

"Why, what is that smell, Fred?"

"That's pure Ironman, baby."

(Pre-Ironman perfume, this response would've been funny. Next spring, it'll be pretentious.)

Manly Ironmen looking to buy the fragrance should contact their Avon representative around May, 2009. Maybe she'll deliver your rugged bottle of man-scent in a pink car.

For more information on this product partnership, read this.