Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wear Your Freaking Helmet, Egghead!

Driving up PCH yesterday, I could not believe how many helmetless cyclists I saw.

No helmet cyclist

(Still not cool in '93.)

In the words of Coachubby last night when he was given less than a full "Gotta Have It" cup of ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery, "COME ON, SERIOUSLY?!"

Riding without an helmet is the cycling equivalent of public nudity. It's like you're mooning us all with your embarassingly bare head. Or a head you think looks cool because you're wearing a cyclilng cap à la Tour de France riders in the '90s and early 2000s.

Surprisingly, most of the moronic riders I saw were men in their '40s and '50s. Having realized a sense of my own mortality in my late teens, I'd think these guys would have realized they are not Superman by now.

Even if you think you have nothing to live for, which I seriously doubt, otherwise you wouldn't be out enjoying a gorgeous ride up PCH (unless you're there for the sole purpose of blaming your death on an errant RV who can't drive between the lines), there are still a lot of people who will be adversely affected by your splattery demise.

Nobody wants to spend their Sunday scraping your brains up off the ground.

Sound gruesome? Well, that's what's going to happen if, I don't know, you accidentally hit a rock while admiring the view (like coachubby did a few years ago--he was wearing a helmet. It cracked, he didn't.), or your aerobars suddenly snap off of your bike, like what happened to David Superlucky as told by Brian Melekian in his blog. This lucky guy only became a helmet convert that morning after enduring constant heckling from his buddies.

Accidents happen. Ones that don't involve cars or other people. And while CHP officers sometimes refer to helmets as "head caskets", they're talking about the helmets of motorcycle riders who crash doing 80mph.

Unless you're going for a land-speed cycling record, a helmet might be the only thing standing in the way between you and the afterlife. And don't think you'll be going to heaven---you were highly inconsiderate in your last waking moments by not wearing a helmet.

No, helmets can't save your life all of the time, but they have consistently been the only thing sitting between cyclists and permanent purgatory as a living vegetable.

Just ask David.

No comments:

Post a Comment